Thursday, March 14, 2013

Nonviolent Method #12: Skywriting and Earthwriting

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Ya ever look up at the sky and see one of those planes that write with smoke”  You know, like “Marry me, Jenny”.  But of course by the time it’s done, the smoke has kind of dissipated so it’s something like “Mfimmt me, Jenny”.  That’s called skywriting.

We’re not gonna do that.  We’d be hypocritical to do such an extravagant waste of fossil fuels to write a message over a city that’s gonna last for like a minute. 

Skywriting is part of Nonviolent Method number 12: Skywriting and Earthwriting.

I’ve actually been looking forward to this day ‘cuz there’s not much there.  It’s kind of the equivalent of a polar bear day off.  I could actually hunt for seals today, because skywriting is out, and earthwriting – the only times it’s really been tried it’s been ineffective. There was this farmer in California who lived near an airbase, and there were all these sonic booms over his house, and so he protested and protested…and the Air Force was like “Whatever”.  So then he wrote in his field in giant black letters “QUIET!”, and the Air Force was like “Whatever.”  It didn’t stop the sonic booms.

So I’ve been trying to think “How could it be effective?”   Maybe you could get a bunch of boulders and strew them across a mountain that just had a forest fire, in a formation that says something like “No Hoax!”  Or farmers whose crops have been ravaged by drought, could plow up their dessicated fields and write the words “Climate Drought”.  (‘Course, it’s easier to write “No Hoax” ‘cuz it’s shorter.)

Another thing for earthwriting, you know how Mount Rushmore has the faces of Presidents, you could carve up a big rock with all the faces of people who stopped climate solutions from happening so future generations would know they were the dirtbags that screwed up the planet. ‘Course you’d have to make ‘em look stupid, or mean, like they’re all picking their nose or kicking little children.  Essentially they’re doing much worse.  There not kicking children, they're actually destroying their futures.  Anyway, nobody'd be able to look at that rock and think “Wo, those guys were cool”.  

I’m NOT serious about carving up rocks, by the way, because as a polar bear I actually worship the environment, and as an environmentalist I like to keep rocks the way they are. 

So that’s Skywriting and Earthwriting, for what it’s worth, and I’m glad to be done with it.

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