Sunday, March 17, 2013

Nonviolent Method Number 15: Group Lobbying

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Aye, begorrah!  Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Today we’re looking at Nonviolent Method Number 15: Group Lobbying. 

Now, lobbying works incredibly well if you’re the fossil fuel industry, and you have, like, four highly paid lobbyists for every member of the Congress and the Senate. 

But, even though they have a huge number advantage, they don’t with the general public, more people want to do something about climate change than not.  Of course, they’re not highly paid, they’re not paid at all, so people’d be reduced to lobby on their own – on their own time and on their own dime!

And considering Congressmen and Senators are gone most of the time and really can only meet with your during work hours, it’s gonna take you away from work to talk with them, so it’s gonna cost you to do lobbying, unless you’re like a bartender!  But even bartenders can’t get access like lobbyists can.  These guys are bigwigs and only meet with people who can make political contributions, like fossil fuel lobbyists. They don’t care if you’re their constituent as long as you’re writing them a check with a lot of zeroes in it. 

But this method is not called lobbying, it’s called Group Lobbying.  During the Vietnam War there was a group that went and visited their congressman every Wednesday – somebody from that group would go. 

OR you could have a giant mass of people show up on a certain day to lobby.

Frankly, I gotta say, I don’t have a lot of faith in this idea.  ‘Cuz, unless they know you’re their constituents, they’re not gonna care, and even if you’re their constituents they’re probably not gonna care.  (It probably helps if you look like you come from their state.  If you’re from Oklahoma you should show up with a farmer’s tan, maybe.   Or if you’re from Maine show up dressed as a lobster man.  Probably not, actually.)

If you’re gonna do group lobbying don’t do it in Washington.  Wait until your Senator’s home so it’s a lot more likely that the masses of people showing up at his door are actually from that place. 

Once Obama really starts his push for climate action, I’m pretty sure all the fossil-fuel funded think tanks will get all the Nugent nitwits to get out and support Senators who are friendly to destroying the world and also to show up and scream at Senators and Congressmen that wanna save the world.  They did this when Obama first tried to pass climate legislation and it worked.  Senators chickened out and backed down.  So of course they’re gonna do it again.

And we gotta represent in equal numbers.    ‘Cuz essentially those old guys are shouting any hope you’ll have of living in a world that was as good as the one they’ve had.  We gotta stand up for the world with just as much passion as they do standing up for stupidity.

‘Course we can’t be assholes.  First of all, they’ve got that market cornered.  So we have to be brave and resolute and classy.  And, I’m tellin’ ya, funny works too!  People look silly when they’re trying to shout down puppets and people wearing polar bear hats.  It puts them in awkward predicament.

Anyway, for what it’s worth that, is Method Number 15: Group Lobbying.  Join us tomorrow for a scintillating talk about Method Number 16: Picketing.

And I thank you.

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